By a certain age, you know what really turns you on. You’ve garnered a small collection of carnal desires and you refer to them in every sexual encounter. Guys in jockstraps, girls with big melons, DILFs and MILFs, and perhaps a dash of hardcore bondage. But, like anything else in life, you’ve gotta remain open for fresh ideas.

Because our desires are always changing.

And this means that you will come across a moment where you begin to question yourself. Are you really gay? Or is your mind playing tricks on you? The answer is neither…

“Gay” is just a label

I’ve labelled myself gay because I’ve come to the well-studied conclusion that I like men. I’ve tried the ladies and they weren’t as bewitching to me. But not everyone really dabbles in it. Or they do, but only lightly. Testing the waters before having second thoughts. And my advice is that you’ve gotta go all in before you can really decide. Maybe you’re not a “gay” man, but you don’t mind a bit of fun with men? I’d say you’re bisexual, but those labels are for you to decide. Nobody else can tell you who you are.

Also, the feelings you feel are real. You cannot discredit them as a mind trick. So you got a stiffy from playing with another man… Or a little bit hot and heavy when seeing another woman… It’s quite normal. And that’s because sexuality is not really concrete for everyone.

The basic idea that you can only be gay, straight or bisexual is false. Sexuality is a spectrum, with only a few who could consider themselves to be fully gay or fully straight. Of course, for procreational purposes, more of us would be straight-leaning. But the majority of us fall somewhere in the middle.

So don’t be afraid to try

Fooling around with the same sex does not make you gay. Because sexuality is not a learned experience; you either like it or you don’t.

So don’t fall into the trap of thinking that having sex with another man might make you a homo. It can’t make you gay, it can only open your eyes to it.

And that might lead you to realise who you really are, or it might not. In saying that, there’s no harm in trying…