The hardest part of being different is having to explain yourself every single time. I dream of a day when that won’t be the case. But it’s foolish to hope that everyone will understand you because we’re always going to have arseholes in this wide and wavering world.
So I guess I’ll have to suffice with hoping that one of you could understand me. And that’s exactly why I’m here.
I’ve realised that a lot of heterosexuals still don’t fully understand the gay man. It sounds weird to say — even in the year 2020 — but it’s painfully true. And of all the things we are mistaken by, it’s the following three things.
So come on, let’s understand each other a little better! Who knows, you may learn something new about yourself in the process…
1. Dear straight men: we have standards…
“I don’t care if you’re gay,” they say, “just don’t hit on me.”
It’s the jibe that every gay man has heard. And more often than not, the guy giving it is pretty mediocre in the looks department.
And yet, they throw this out because they’re worried about getting hit on by a gay guy. As if it’ll knock them down a notch on the masculinity ladder.
First up, darl, we do have standards. Being gay isn’t the equivalence of a free-wheeling slut who wants to sleep with absolutely everybody. Don’t forget that we objectify men the same way you objectify women. In fact, everyone objectifies everyone else. Yes, ladies, that means you too!
However, everyone objectifies differently. Some guys like girls with big boobs, others like tight bums and curvy thighs. And gay men are the same. Some of us go weak at the knees when we see a mounted bulge. Others not so much. And some of us like rounded bums or a simple lanky physique.
Which means that you’re probably not our preferred choice anyway!
But I must accept that sometimes we will hit on you. And that’s because you’re downright sexy. Unfortunately, gay men aren’t equipped with a gaydar, so we have to flirt with you to see if you are interested or not. Just like you would when chasing the ladies.
To be clear, if you’re not interested, just tell us. More often than not we’ll take our leave. Of course, I can’t guarantee that all of us will stop. I mean, too many of you don’t give up when you’re scoring with chicks… Even after a flat-out “no”.
And don’t get all defensive about it, either. You won’t lose your masculinity. In fact, our flirting with you is a boost to that. You are an attractive man! Why not take it as a compliment instead of returning an aggressive stance?
It’s not a direct attack on your ego, you know? We’re just looking for a mate.
2. Sexuality is about sex
This one goes out to the fag hags as well as the blokes: a majority of us male homosexuals suck at fashion. It’s not our calling card. And there are plenty of us who hate labels. Me included!
So don’t expect us to enhance your wardrobe. It ain’t gonna happen. Collectively, our best bet is enhancing your sexual endeavours. We’ve got lots of tips on foreplay activities and safe sex practices. Hell, many of us could teach you how to suppress your gag reflex.
On top of this, not all gay men are flaming homos, either. The only reason you believe that is because it’s mostly what the media portrays. Mardi Gras is a glitter fest of campness, and many fictional gay characters are severely limp-wristed. But the fact is, not all of us are like that. There are some gay men out there who could pass off as a butch rugby player. But most of us have pretty average personalities.
And that’s because sexuality is solely focused on sex…
3. You could already be one of us
When I say “one of us”, I mean it as loosely as possible. But that’s all up to you to decide. As I noted in a recent blog post, bisexuality is the silent majority. So you could perhaps be a little over our side of the fence.
The fact is, sexuality is fluid like the ocean, and it’s subject to change over time. For all I know, you are exclusively straight. But I wouldn’t hold onto it as the gospel truth. Not everyone is exclusive when it comes to sexual orientation.
And this all goes to show that you shouldn’t be so dismissive with your own sexuality. Especially to the point where you actively downplay the gays and lesbians. Because while it clearly shows how bigoted you are, it could also reveal some underlying issues that you are yet to deal with.
Of course, not all of you are going to be fully gay, either. Evolution will make sure that won’t happen. The human race will always aim for procreation. But I do believe that far too many of you are holding onto your straight label a little too tightly.
Let yourself go! You’re only in this world for a short time, so why not make it a great time and explore every part of yourself!
To sum this all up, gay men are not as complicated as you think. Because the only difference between you and I is who we have sex with. And sex is just one part of this magnificent life.
You’d be surprised what else we’re capable of…
Feature image: Christian Buehner on Unsplash