Even fluid states do not choose to be fluid.
Most of us experience sexual fluidity at least once in our lives. For some, it lasts years; for others, it’s a temporal moment of confusion. And all are exacerbated by societal norms. Yes, even I fell for the idea that being straight is normal. But nothing really is normal. It’s just accepted.
Unfortunately, the ongoing idea that you can’t choose who you’re attracted to is muddying the waters of sexual identity. And no, that doesn’t mean it’s false; it just means that it’s restrictive. Because, for most of us, sexuality is not a binary option. And even if we choose a binary sexual identity, it doesn’t mean we’ve always acted that way. Or that we will act that way in the future. And that’s sexual fluidity.
A Coming of Age
I had two girlfriends in my very early teens, and we partook in certain sexual acts. Looking back, I can see it wasn’t so much an attraction that interested me; I was just following what all the other guys were doing. It’s like watching a movie because someone else recommended it and then realising it’s boring. In short, I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Clearly, it wasn’t my thing. And this was confirmed with all the sex I had with guys throughout my teenage years. I was a little bit of a slut, to be honest. And this is the power of sexual fluidity; it offers us a chance to understand who we are. To come of age if you will.
But, in this wild and wavering world, not everyone will experience sexual fluidity — and that’s not a bad thing; it’s just the way it is. Perhaps it’s because some of us are more attuned to who we are, and we don’t need to experiment. Or we just never felt any desire for certain sexes or genders.
Indeed, the reason why I can safely say a majority of us experience sexual fluidity is that most of us are bisexual. Not as an identity, but because sexuality is not binary. It’s a spectrum, with one end being gay and the other straight. And most of us fit somewhere in the middle. Some are 50–50, others are 80–20, and some of us are a little giddy at times for the same or opposite sex. Or another gender.
Of course, with procreation, I suspect many of us swing towards heterosexuality.
But It’s Never a Choice
Sexual fluidity is different to sexual orientation, but they do complement each other. Many of us require sexual fluidity in order to solidify our sexual identity. If I didn’t sleep with guys during my formative years, I’d probably be stuck in heteronormative land.
Of course, everyone goes through different styles of sexual fluidity, which includes all the genders that go beyond male or female sex characteristics.
For many of us, it’s not as simple as sleeping with both sexes and all genders and picking your favourite. In fact, both and all can be interesting in their own way.
For others, one sex is the dominant attraction, while there’s a little spark for another.
And some of you already know what you like and don’t need to experiment.
But it is never a choice. It’s just a journey.
A journey that we all should have the right to take.